5 Steps To Empower Yourself

by Ann deBruyn

In Grow You, my mindfulness community for moms, I teach a tool called the “Empowered Mindset.”

This has been so popular in our community that I want to bring it to you here.

You can also listen to the podcast here: How To Empower Yourself .

Part 1: Take responsibility for your emotions.

A disempowered mindset says “you are the cause of my feelings.” This is emotional blame, where we blame our negative emotion on something outside of us. Not only is this not true (your own thoughts cause your feelings), but it’s not helpful. If someone else is the cause of your feelings, then they have to change for you to feel better.

Instead, an empowered mindset takes responsibility for your own emotions. It sounds like “I’m feeling overwhelmed because of my thoughts. I can feel overwhelm. I can cope with this.”

When you validate your feelings and take responsibility for being the creator of them, you live from an empowered place.


  • How To Be A Confident Mom (podcast)
  • Mindfulness Email (weekly email)

Part 2: Focus on what you can control.

What other people do and say and what happens in the world are all things outside your control. By focusing on these things, you fall into having a disempowered mindset. For example, if your spouse quits his job, you can’t control that. Focusing on what he did “wrong” isn’t helpful. It leaves you disempowered.

Instead, focus on what you can control, which is your thoughts, feelings, and actions. This alone gives you so much power over how you parent, how you show up in your marriage, and overall how you live as a human being.

CLICK HERE to download the podcast directory (and get the best marriage podcast episodes to listen to.)

Part 3: Accept reality.

There is so much suffering and disempowerment when we focus on what we wish was different or what “should have happened.” For example, if you host a party at your house and someone is not happy, focusing on how she “should be happy” is rejecting reality. It’s just not useful. Similarly, when something happens that you don’t like, thinking that it should not have happened, focuses on a past that you can’t control. Such as “my parents shouldn’t have gotten divorced.” Thinking this thought doesn’t serve you because it doesn’t help you move forward.

When you accept reality, you feel so much more empowered. For example, if your dad marries a woman who you don’t like, you can decide to accept that you don’t need to understand why he married her but you will accept it. From this place, you’ll show up in alignment with the truth of what is happening, instead of with resistance.


  • Negative Thoughts As A Mom (podcast)
  • How To Cope With Negative Thoughts As A Mom (free class)

Part 4: Focus on solutions.

A disempowered mindset focuses on problems. Let’s say you find out your kids are sick so they can’t go to school or daycare. If you’re feeling disempowered you will think there’s no solution to this and you’ll dwell on the problem. This isn’t helpful because it keeps you stuck. You can’t possibly come up with solutions if you don’t think it’s possible.

I like to adopt the “everything is figureoutable” mindset which pairs nicely with the solution-focused part of having an empowered mindset.

This means that when you notice the market is really hot for sellers and you need to buy a home, you focus on solutions, not on the problem. You put your mind to work on finding evidence that you’ll find the perfect home for you and your family. The more solution-focused you are, the better.


  • 75 Journal Prompts For Moms (free download)
  • 10 Mindset Shifts For Moms (podcast)

Part 5: Be fueled by positive emotions.

The last part of having an empowered mindset is to be fueled by positive emotions. This means that you are feeling open, kind, loving, grounded, confident, appreciative, etc. It means that you give people the benefit of the doubt—and that includes yourself.

When you’re disempowered, you’re fueled by frustration, irritation, resentment, anger, etc.

This doesn’t mean that whenever you feel negative emotion, you’re disempowered. It simply means that when you think about how you want to show up in your life, you choose more open, positive emotions. We all feel negative emotions from time to time and that’s okay! That’s the way of being human.

When you choose more useful/helpful emotions to fuel you in your life, there’s nothing you can’t create. Said differently, positive emotions are the secret ingredient to creating a more fulfilling life.

This is the work we do in Grow You, my mindfulness community for moms.

Benefits Of An Empowered Mindset

When you show up with an empowered mindset, you don’t feel stuck, out of control, or like your life is happening to you.

The best part of an empowered mindset, though, is not that you feel better; it’s that no matter what challenge comes up, you can solve for it. You have the confidence and certainty (an inner knowing) that you can work through any difficulty or tricky situation.

When you have an empowered mindset, you will:

  • Worry less
  • Decrease ruminating and anxious thinking
  • Make better decisions
  • Help your kids through their challenges
  • Care less about what other people think
  • Release any tension in your marriage
  • Take more action
  • Pursue your interests and goals
  • Show up as a better woman, wife, and mom

A Final Note

A disempowered mindset looks like this:

  1. Emotional blame
  2. Focus on what you can’t control
  3. Reject reality
  4. Focus on problems
  5. Fueled by negative emotion

An empowered mindset looks like this:

  1. Emotional responsibility
  2. Focus on what you can control
  3. Accept reality
  4. Focus on solutions
  5. Fueled by positive emotion

If you’d like to get started cultivating an empowered mindset, join me inside Grow You. I’d love to see you inside.