How To Stop Being Insecure In Your Marriage

by Ann deBruyn

How To Stop Being Insecure In Your Marriage

Even in happy, healthy marriages, partners can experience feeling insecure.

A little feeling of insecurity every now and then is okay, and can be a good thing.

However, chronic insecurity can do the opposite, and be detrimental to not just your marriage, but to yourself and your self confidence.

If you’re experiencing constant insecurity in your marriage or other romantic relationship, it can cause a rift in your marriage as well as your other relationships, like with your extended family and friends.

Many marriages that end in divorce come from feelings of insecurity that could’ve been avoided with a little bit of thought work and shifting of mindset from an insecure partner.

So, today, I’m sharing how you can stop feeling insecure in your marriage and start enjoying benefits that come with a healthy and more secure mindset.

  • Related: Fixing A Broken Relationship (podcast)

Below is a list of tips you can start using to reduce insecurity in your marriage.

Tip 1: Embrace insecurity as a normal feeling

The first and most important tip is to embrace the feeling of insecurity. Overcoming insecurity can be tough, but it’s important that you embrace it.

This is a tough one for most people and typically the opposite of what you think you want to do (stop being insecure).

Most of my clients want to push away and avoid insecurity. They don’t want to ask the tough questions. This creates a push pull relationship with the emotion, that leaves you feeling a lot of resistance.

Instead, welcome the emotion of insecurity as if it was a friend.

Allow it to be there in your body. The feeling of insecurity itself is harmless, so allowing it is key to letting it move through you.

Resources:

  • How To Stop Comparing Yourself With Others (blog post)
  • Your Value And Worth (podcast)
  • Podcast Directory (free download)

Tip 2: Stop overthinking

If you act on your feeling of insecurity, you’ll likely start overthinking and what I call “thought looping.” This means you’re thinking intense, negative thoughts repeatedly.

Overthinking leads to obsessing which leads to anxiety that can become all consuming in your marriage and life.

To avoid this, write down your thoughts. Get them out on paper. Reread them. Allow them to be there. And then move on from them.

The more you practice self coaching and redirecting your brain, the better you’ll get at this.

Resources:

  • How To Increase Self Awareness (blog post)
  • Cleaning Out Your Brain (podcast)
  • Thursday Inspo (free weekly newsletter)

Tip 3: Redirect your mindset from comparing

When you’re feeling insecure in your marriage, it’s easy to look at other marriages and compare yours.

This will make your insecurity worse. Stop comparing yourself to what you see on social media.

Instead, every time your brain goes to someone else’s marriage, remind yourself that “their marriage is none of my business.”

This is a form of redirection that you can practice and get good at. The more you focus on what you can control, the better.

Resources:

  • How Social Media Affects Mental Health (blog post)
  • Body Neglect (podcast)
  • How To Become A More Mindful Mom (free class)

Tip 4: Get to the root of it

Once you’ve allowed your insecurity to be present in your body and it’s moved through you (meaning you’re not in a state of thought looping), you want to get to the root of it.

This means finding out why you’re feeling insecure.

What are you thinking that’s causing you to feel insecure in your marriage? Is what you’re thinking true? How do you know? Is it serving you to think and feel this way?

Don’t hesitate to ask yourself these hard questions. These are questions you can ask to help you get to the mindset of what’s creating the emotions of insecurity.

  • Related: Question Leadership (podcast)

Tip 5: Keep your independence

Part of reducing feeling insecure is not just thought and feeling work, but also creating a balanced life with other friends and community support so that you have your own independence.

Everyone’s comfort levels will be different in this area, but it can be a huge way to boost your confidence just by making new friends and having some girl time, away from your husband.

Feeling autonomous, free, and independent while still loving the connection and intimacy in your marriage is a healthy sign of a secure relationship.

Resources:

  • How To Calm Anxiety During Pregnancy (blog post)
  • How To Have More Fun (podcast)
  • Thursday Inspo (free weekly newsletter)

Tip 6: Seek help

Finally, get help with this.

Feeling insecure is normal, but it’s something you shouldn’t feel like you have to do alone.

In Grow You, for example, there’s a community of women who are all working on their mindsets and doing the inner work to overcome their daily challenges, including negative emotions, particularly in marriage.

This is one example of how you can work on your own mindset and growth to help positively affect your life and marriage.

A Final Note!

Dealing with insecurity in marriage is normal, but it isn’t something that has to continue, unmanaged.

You can manage your insecurity in a way that’s healthy and productive, so you start feeling better regardless of what’s going on in your marriage.

This is what taking care of your mental health looks like, from the inside out. It’s always worth it.